I am here to tell you that jeans must die. You, man of the Western world, are failing in your sartorial duty. When pressed, it is the humble jeans that you always reach for. The ones your fat, unyielding thighs can barely squeeze into. The ones you can barely button up or zip closed. The ones your ageing, sybaritic figure can barely contain. Even the most extreme pair of full-cut trousers would be an improvement.
It has become clearer than ever that jeans must die.
Well, what the hell do I wear instead then?
There is a remedy, a replacement waiting in the wings. It is the humble chino – soft to the touch, made of a smoother, more luxurious cotton, and available in numerous colours. It can be dressed up or down. It can be worn with or without a sports jacket. It can be styled with a tie and a pair of oxfords. It can be worn at the pub with an Oxford-cloth button-down shirt and a pair of wingtip derbies. It can even – gasp – be worn with trainers if you lack anything in the way of more elegant footwear. Picture it with a navy-blue blazer in either single- or double-breasted form. Imagine it with a smart cotton polo shirt in any number of pastel variations on blue, pink or green.
Tough love time – jeans must die!
But for goodness’ sake, now is the time for you to stand aside from the herd. The limited versatility of jeans, and the inconsistency of comfort they provide, are important reasons to desert this hyper-casual, all-pervasive allegiance to this much-worn piece of apparel. But apart from everything else, a pair of chinos will mark you out as a well-dressed man. Out of the homogeneous, undifferentiated mass of modern men sporting those blue denim monstrosities, you will be clad in smart, beautiful trousers that will last for years and be wearable in all situations. That, my friends, is why jeans must die.
